Every minor league roster needs a supporting cast of characters. The managers, coaches, and trainers are the glue that keeps the team together for the long, long summer season. Below are some of the basic requirements for each staff member.
- Must be able to fully cross legs while tilting to one side.
- If you workout, over do it like you might be added to the roster.
If you don’t workout, over do that too.
- Must have a preplanned game ejection routine – originality counts.
- Must have a name that can be abbreviated, shortened, or butchered into one syllable, otherwise you are “skip”.
- Must blow up on the team at least once per month after a tough loss. Knocking over the spread and chair kicking is a must. Make sure to have the clubby fix you and the coaches a plate prior to. Take care of your staff.
- Be the last one on the bus and ride that front seat like nobodys business. That is your home away from home. Own it!
Hitting/Pitching Coach Requirements
- Must know all baseball shenanigans and share. You are a friend and a mentor. Plus, you kinda think you’re still one of them.
- Hitting coaches, you have lived your life in a batting cage so you must show signs of being held captive from time to time. Remember crazy can be cool.
- Hitting coaches, don’t participate in a coaches bp for fear that the pitching coach and his sweet fungo swing will out hit you.
- Pitching coaches, you must learn and speak the language of your weirdest lefty, everything is easy after that.
- Pitching coaches, don’t ever pitch to a catcher for fear that the hitting coach throws harder and nastier pitches than you do.
- Hitting coaches, pay attention to the game while coaching first or third. Otherwise feel free to check out the stands.
- Hitting and pitching coaches, pick the movie on the bus. The manager is too busy owning that front seat.
- If you can throw a baseball, throw it and make everyone think, “why isn’t this guy playing on the field?”
- If you CAN’T throw a baseball, make everyone think, “why is this guy near a field?”
- You must have great ideas and suggestion that nobody will listen to….until you run it through the manager.
- Must have a speedy jog while holding your fanny pack full of nothing that will help in the event of an on-field injury.
- Must know your hand signals to the other teams trainer that you’re going in the clubhouse with your pitcher that needs ice. (Excuse to check out the post game spread).
If you enjoyed this be sure to check the Every Minor League Roster article.
Don’t forget to become a BASEBALLMINDED FAN on our facebook page for more baseball Shenanigans!